Unimpressed
by TheWinterBabe
Summary: The team assembles once more to address some of their most recent annoyances and what really grinds their gears. Needless to say, it doesn't end very well. Language. AoU Spoilers. Lots to References to Avengers Press Tour. Mentions of Bruce/Natasha, Clint/Natasha, Steve/ Natasha. One Shot with bad jokes.


"So then I told him, you're such a shmuck and I left." Tony ranted in a poorly feigned nonplussed expression. The entire team, plus Bucky, sat very amused at the story, which allegedly included an incessantly probing interviewer asking Tony about his darker days back in Afghanistan.

"I don't wike it." Steve spoke solemnly as he bowed his head and held the belt of his uniform in a very righteous way. Why was he wearing his uniform?

"Why are you wearing that?" Bruce asked. The others, minus Bucky, seemed to silently appreciate the scientist's question. Bucky simply quirked a brow at Steve, insinuating his knowledge towards the matter.

Steve nervously chuckled. Tony didn't let that one go.

"Cap, are you trying to hide your zucchini away in that uniform?" Tony joked.

With a look of disgust Steve shouted, "Language!"

"That didn't even make any sense." Natasha stated blandly.

"What is this zucchini?" Thor asked, legitimately confused.

"I understood that reference, but I still don't wike it." Steve spoke, stupidly if I may add.

"Cap, I think you're stalling here. Is it because Natasha likes the uniform?" Clint guessed. The archer was about to find out he was right.

As if on cue, poor Bucky did a spit take, an actual spit take on Tony. Natasha sat facing Tony as the whole team formed a broken circle in the lounge near the top floor of the Avengers tower. She simply lulled her head back comfortably against the couch to better take in the show.

"Is this some kind of joke?" Tony half yelled, "The fucking winter soldier spat on my face. That's not the kind of blizzard I ordered."

"Sir, would you like me to request assistance from Dum-E?" Jarvis' voice perpetuated throughout the entire room. The annoyed billionaire sighed and gestured his arm as if to say "go away" or "don't worry about it." He still wanted to know what made Bucky do that.

"CAP WIDOW WILL NEVER DIE!" Steve piped up unexpectedly.

Awkwardness quickly fell throughout the room.

"Let it go, bro." Hawkeye spoke nonchalantly. He quickly disregarded the romantic pairing that Steve was about to raise awareness to. Because if anything, Clint figured he was okay. Besides, he suddenly had a family and a newborn. Where did that come from?

"You're supposed to be on my side!" Steve protested. Natasha and Bruce were awfully quiet as the situation only seemed to escalate even further.

"I was all for Clintasha, bro." Clint retorted. "Do you not see she's wearing my necklace?"

"And how does Bruce feel about that if I may add?" Tony asked, fully engrossed in the situation that unfolded before him. He had already forgotten the orange juice that was sprayed sparingly across his face.

Bruce deadpanned and was about to speak before being rudely interrupted by Steve. "Where was the development? Frankly, I didn't see the vision."

"I am right here." Vision appeared abruptly as he nonchalantly levitated Thor's hammer. It just didn't get old.

"And where did he come from? Although I gotta say, I was really impressed and awed by his appearance during the big fight. Thanks Thor." Tony quipped, earning nods of approval towards his comment by Thor and Lok- what?

"Loki!" Thor yelled as if he wasn't right there…

"Not really." Wanda spoke as she stepped from the corner of the room, creepily if I must say. She created a hologram of the Norse god besides Thor, which suddenly dissipated. Apparently, she had always been there and she only wanted attention from the team. This was her most effective way of doing so.

"That wasn't very nice." Bucky said teasingly as he shook his head. It was kind of odd, the relationship between the two.

Thor only sat back down, and it was unclear when he stood in the first place.

"The point is, I don't appreciate the connection between you two." Steve said, gesturing at Bruce and Natasha. He continued, "Where is the chemistry? I thought that Pietro and Clint had better chemistry." He looked around again before quickly adding, "No offense!"

"I sort of saw it coming." Wanda spoke.

"You didn't see that coming?" Thor said, poorly imitating Pietro and his exotic accent.

"Too soon, bro." Clint spoke. The others couldn't agree more.

"But you know what wasn't too soon?" Tony asked. He stepped around to add a bit of dramatic flair before continuing. "Shawarma, when did we last have some of that? It was after the battle in New York. We didn't even eat anything after last week's fiasco."

"Another!" Thor pelted a saucer towards the floor with great force, and the poor dish didn't stand a chance. Where he found those things, no one knew.

Rolling their eyes became second nature when Thor did such things as these. The Asgardian only smiled cheekily, blissfully unaware of his company's light annoyance towards his propensities.

"And you know what makes it worse?" Clint asked rhetorically. He had been contemplating for some time and when he finally spoke he said, "I thought Bruce called Natasha a slut."

At these words, the heat of the room felt as if it had risen dramatically. The couch might as well have been seared by the hot temperature that radiated from Natasha's body. The room grew silent.

Not even Tony Stark dared to utter a single word.

Not even the god of thunder, or the mighty hulk himself or even America's savior made a sound. Saying the situation had quickly deteriorated was an understatement.

Natasha smirked in a terrorizing kind of way, the kind to make even the winter soldier himself feel a chill down his spine.

The party was over, Tony didn't want any of this party being brought to him. He simply made a terribly disguised excuse about the stocks of Stark Industries falling and how he had to get to work before he skedaddled.

In an effort to dispel the tension, Steve talked about how he needed to talk to the water guy, praising his efforts for bringing clean water before Clint spoke his next two words as if it was the hottest song on the charts.

"Hail Hydro."


End file.
